Thursday, July 5, 2012

Birthday Month

For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Facts and Figures
  I want to talk about the perception of the general public and the church on fostercare especially as a single mother. As I've been thinking about this month and what to talk about I started listening to peoples comments to me and I wanted to comment on their comments. I've noticed when I started talking to people about fostercare that people look at me like I'm a hero. I've heard comments like:

"Oh, wow that's such an a brave thing you're doing."

"Wow, what a hero you are." 

"That baby is lucky to have you as a mom."

"You're a single mom, wow I could never do that."

 All these little comments bug me. I couldn't really put my finger on it at the time they were said to me but now I think maybe it's because I don't see myself as someone extra ordinary. Granted, the people that tell me this are usually people who don't know Jesus so I give them grace but I think...I'm not a hero I'm a human, doing what we are all suppose to do.

 I'm not better than you, I'm just like you I live an ordinary life with ordinary problems. I think what bothered me the most was the separation I felt from the person I was talking to. I want to live my life as an inspiration for others to dream big and go beyond their capacities not to be seen as an unattainable story. You can take the journey of adoption! I'm not going to lie it's hard and it's all about laying down your life for someone who can't give anything back but it's the most amazing journey you will ever take.

 My daughter is the hero in this story, I'm not better than her for taking her in. I'm the lucky one, everyday I thank the Lord for giving me this unmeasurable joy in my life. Children are a blessing, they attract the blessings of heaven, you become a target for heaven when you have children in your home. I want to rewrite the typical human story, you grow up, get married, have kids then pass on. How about re-writing that story, everyone of you has the capabilities to write an amazing story with your lives.

 I had a lady say (before she knew I was adopting) "she (Bella) must look more like her father." I looked at her and said " I don't know" the woman looked at me very confused until I explained that she was my adopted daughter. Can we believe that the single mother may have a different story then she had sex outside of marriage and was abandoned by the baby daddy?  I've walked into different churches before (not my home church) and I've gotten the looks like "poor single mother". If you don't ask me about my story you can assume all sorts of things that aren't true.

I want to put a challenge out there for people in the body of Christ and those who just are in the journey of foster and adoption. Don't assume that you know what's going on with people, ask. I think our story is so powerful and I love to see people inspired to go after the heart of God. At some point in this journey the Lord had asked me if I was alright being seen as an adulterous woman in the church and I said I don't care, people can think what they want because I know their perception will shift when they hear our story. Are you willing to look foolish for the Gospel? It doesn't matter what people say it matters that you're pursuing the heart of Jesus!

For those of you out there who don't know me, I'm a super passionate person and I love to push the buttons and challenge the complacent. I don't want to hurt anyone's heart but I believe with my whole being that we can't let fear, what other people think, or conflict stop us from taking care of these kids who are so desperately needing a good home. I believe we can, in a generation, see every child in the US who needs a home to be in one. Wouldn't it be amazing? Be inspired don't pity us, or look at our story as unattainable God has more for you then you can hope, expect, think, or imagine!

ok I'm done preach'n now :)

Thoughts and Journal Entries
February 2012
        It's birthday month for baby and me! I can't believe that Bella is 1 and I'm 29. Time truly does fly by when you have children. I didn't think that it was true because as a child you think that time is taking forever but looking at Bella growing up it truly blows my mind. She started walking in the middle of this month I can't believe it.

 1st birthday parties are such a big deal and so I took on the challenge with excitement thinking ok this is my budget and this is my plan. I decided to do cupcakes but all by hand and do fancy ones from Martha Stewart recipes oh boy I'm an over achiever. I had to enlist a teenager to assist in the all day baking marathon but we did it successfully, unfortunately I made soooooo many cupcakes that not even a 3rd of them were eaten but over all her birthday was a success. I had asked people to get her books because I think I could count on one hand the number of books I had for her. Next birthday I'll have to ask for classic Disney movies because poor baby doesn't even have one. Oh well so goes that but she got radically blessed by all our friends who poured abundant love on her.  I haven't had to buy her clothing in so long because people have handed me bag after bag of clothing it's been really incredible!

 My birthday was really low key which is what I wanted. Sometimes it's nice just chilling with friends and having good relational time. This month I had been struggling financially but people gave me money for my birthday which covered our bills, again God came through. I got the proof for my Encountering God through Soaking book which I'm so excited about but I know it still needs some editing so I'm handing it off to a friend to run through hopefully by March it will be completed.

Last month there was monkey wrench that was thrown into our case. Apparently birth mom is pregnant about 5 or 6 months but it's not been confirmed which is hard for me. She has expressed her desire for an abortion and everything inside of me is crying out against it. I've contacted the social worker this month practically begging her to beg birth mom to go through with the birth I will find a family for this child or I will take this child in. It was a gut wrenching decision to say yes to possibly taking in another child because I know at this point I wouldn't be able to but I know God can make a way where there seems to be no way. I felt such a war in my spirit fighting for this unborn child even though I've never overtly fought against abortion I was fighting now. This was my baby's brother or sister and I could just stand by and say nothing. We wrestle not against flesh and blood and I knew I wasn't wrestling against flesh but I was fighting for life.  At the end of this month I heard that she now says she's no longer pregnant I don't know if she lost the baby or something else happened but I know that in the moment that I was suppose to stand for life I did and I fought as hard as I could.

I've been waiting to hear if I can sign adoption papers but apparently instead of 60 days it's 70 so I have to wait a bit longer to make sure there's no appeal from the birth family. I'm still not expecting any but it's hard to wait when you know that this is almost over. Weeks go by and I'm so ready for all this to end and for the court to define what I've known from the beginning.

Happy 1st Birthday baby girl may you have so many birthdays and may each one get better and better..
love your momma

My Birthday girl!

Has to put everything in her mouth..

First beach day of 2012

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